How to be friends after dating

I’m not sure what flipped the switch for me, but I’d already cheered him when he ran two marathons, listened when his wife left and they divorced, and written while he lived abroad twice serving a medical charity.We’ve raised money for causes and exchanged myriad e-mails about jobs, travels, and our families—my sister’s marriage, his siblings’ children being born.

Last week, I bumped into him unexpectedly on evening at a social event when I was spending time with my close friends. I extended my hand to shake his, however he transgressed my boundaries by hugging me.

I was being nice and respectful even though I did not really like him anymore.

Just as I began to understand that he wasn’t interested in me in that way, he’d come back, affectionate and confiding.

His long-distance girlfriend had broken up with him or his relative was terminally ill. Nothing further is exactly how our relationship played, while, to my great consternation, we hit a plateau between consolation and water cooler repartee.

In at least two notable cases, I became pretty good friends with the dudes in question. (For the record, I didn't tell that guy I wasn't attracted to him; I said I hadn't quite felt the necessary ineffable spark.) Really, fair game to him, I suppose: I understand how his pride might be a little tarnished.

(Both of them, oddly enough, are professors of philosophy. But maybe he could've handled it with a little more follow up with a nice email — but it didn't contain an invitation. I wondered if he thought I wasn't hot enough, or smart enough, or whatever — if he was picking up on some fatal flaw o' mine. I thought that if the God-Believer didn't like me, well then, I didn't like him either. In that way, I was being kind of like the Frozen-Foods Aisle Sprinter.Last year, when I was planning to go to visit another good friend in New York, he happened to be going there at the same time. When he told me he really preferred to fly by himself, it felt like a slap in the face because of all the effort I had put into this friendship.So I walked away and hadn’t talked to him for a year.“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action.Take action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron Paul and I had been acquaintances for eight years.My writer friend Teddy was with me when I got the text from my pregnant pal about the suddenly free cottage — and I was about to turn down her offer to make use of the place when Teddy convinced me I should take a little working holiday ... He'd come along for the long car trip, read me the directions while I drove, and protect me from wolves (or at least sea pigeons). And since both Teddy and I can work from more or less anywhere, we decided to go for it. As you may recall, he's a guy I went on a date with a while back. I wanted to be friends with him, but I wasn't sure how to navigate that terrain.